OPINION: WHY MEN KILL THEIR WIVES

To STOP the killing of women, especially WIVES, it is important to figure out why some men resort to violence and harm to address their concerns.

Uninformed Muslim men who adhere to sharia laws see women as CHATTELS. They point to heinous religious practices such as ‘honor’ killing, ‘stoning’ to death, ‘mutilation’ and ‘cutting of limbs’ as just religious punishments aligned to their faith.

When these ‘faithfuls’ find themselves as immigrants or refugees in the West, they experience ‘culture’ shock and very often their beliefs (past) clash with existing contemporary laws (present) of foreign lands, mostly liberal and Judeo-Christian.

In Western societies as well, some men get trapped in lust for money; greed to game the system through its laws. They seek ways to use their wives to make easy money for themselves as beneficiaries to hefty insurance payments, or estate. Worse still, some are involved in extreme love triangles that force them to murder their wives to be with new love interests.

Some partners resort to violence as recourse on partners who cheat on them, who renege on their promises or violate their marital vows. Men who find out by chance through DNA or other means that some of the children they raise are not their biological children feel betrayed and ashamed. If they are not properly counseled, given support and taken care of, they resort to violence to regain their honor or name to save face, being all they know from their cultures and past.

Some men learn from cradle, thinking that putting hands on women as their parents do are normal ways to settle scores. They raise their voices at others. Where this is not enough they lash out viciously to make their point. When challenged they feel threatened, emasculated and powerless; a sin to men from patriarchal backgrounds.

Amongst immigrants, there are added pressures on the men. Research shows that it takes an average African and Middle-Eastern immigrant male seven to ten brutal years abroad to regularize his stay. What this means is that by the time they finally get their acts together and travel back home to get married, they are in their forties or fifties.

Unfortunately, they go home to marry much younger ladies who see these returnees as their tickets abroad. In most cases these marriages are opposed by parents and relatives given that both parties do not know anything about the other. Unknown to the men they are just set-ups.

After marriage, the men return abroad to their menial jobs. They soon file for their young spouses. They make arrangements for their arrivals. Upon arrival they enroll them in medical schools. Some men do ‘two’ or ‘three’ jobs to pay for their spouses’ education. They file to regularize their stay as legitimate spouses. In some cases, they take huge loans to buy homes and a car for their spouses. They do all this with hope that they are building a future together.

However, as soon as SOME women achieve their dreams of becoming citizens and graduating from medical school as CNA/GNA or registered nurses (RN), they show their true colors. They begin to complain about their husband’s controlling ways. To lay the foundation for their future plans, they begin to complain bitterly about any and everything on the same men they lived with for over ten+ years and have children with.

These women suddenly realize that Western laws are in their favor. They lay claim to their rights and call the POLICE on their husbands, knowing full well how the police abroad SEE and TREAT people of color, particularly, men. Their men get kicked out of homes they spent their lives putting together. Encouraged by other single ladies outside, some of these women file for divorce with already-made plans to relocate with their legitimate documents, medical certificates, their children and child support payments to their bank accounts. The men are left with nothing, but bills, shame and regrets.

Without urgent help or support, many tip over the edge and resort to unlawful acts to redeem the only thing they have left: their pride, their name, in ignominy.

So how do we stem this dangerous tide?

Men should be a little more careful and realistic who they choose to marry. Returnees should strive to marry their age mates, not force themselves on desperate, but beautiful young ladies, who wait with amulets tied to their hips. They must learn to see marriage as a business deal. They should take more time to know their partners before deciding to sign the dotted lines.

Returnees should make marriage contractual. There is a reason the very wealthy engage in PRE-NUPs. This will help a few protect what they had achieved or individually accumulated materially in event of a disputed divorce. These things should be spelt out while both parties are in love and clear headed.

Parents and relatives must find ways to support their children. They must realize they need help in as much as they see them as source of funds from time to time. This is because they become solid anchors in event of hard times or divorce. At the same time, Pastors, Imams and employers should engage in aggressive progressive counseling of married couples to encourage dialogue and catch straying or strained relationships before they degenerate to divorce or violence.

Similarly, immigrants from countries that practice sharia laws must be educated on modern laws in the new countries they find themselves. They must not leave them to find out about these laws when it is too late. To be forearmed, they say, is to be forearmed. All hands must be on deck to stop the killing of our women. The same principles should apply in circumstances where the roles are reversed. We MUST stop the killing of our loved ones!

*** Article by Emeka Aroh.